My Road, My Life

It was late on Monday afternoon and I had just finished my hot yoga session. I didn’t have any plans and didn’t feel like going directly home. Instead, I began wandering aimlessly down the avenues in my neighborhood, taking side streets that I had never taken before, when I was suddenly struck with an intense pang of loneliness. It felt like a seed in the pit of my stomach, and as soon as I identified it as loneliness, it expanded. I was in the midst of mourning the demise of another relationship with a guy I felt I very much loved. As I wandered on, I allowed the feeling to engulf me, and began pondering the reasons for the intensity of this lonely feeling. I’ve always spent a great deal of time alone, even when I was in the relationship, so why did I now feel particularly lonely just knowing that the relationship was over?

I think that often we find it difficult to let go of a relationship because we have grown so accustomed to somebody justifying our existence for us. When we are in a committed relationship, what we do matters to another- our actions, our words, our behavior and even what we wear. Our hobbies, our habits, our values, and even our thoughts and perspectives on life are of relevance to our partner. Whether it’s for better or for worse, we are validated as important human beings, playing an essential role in another’s life. When said relationship deteriorates, we are unsure what to do with ourselves. What is our role? The character we have been playing for a period of time has been cut from the scene.

Nobody is watching. Instead of feeling freedom and liberation, we feel lost, confused, disoriented. It can be paralyzing.

So, what do we do? Well.. We slap ourselves with a hardy does of optimism- a change in perspective, one that betters ourselves and makes us happier human beings. What we do is we justify our own existence. We no longer depend on another to cling to our words, our actions, our behavior, our mistakes and our shortcomings. No, we hold ourselves accountable. We care for ourselves, we listen to ourselves. We love ourselves more than we could ever imagine another person loving us. We are kind to ourselves. Ironically enough, we get so angry and beside ourselves when others walk on us or treat us disrespectfully, but how often to we put ourselves down throughout the day? Listen to the voices in your mind, the one that is constantly judging, constantly doubting, constantly scolding. Put that voice to bed, because we love ourselves dearly, and would never allow anybody to talk to us like that.

Be your own love of your life, your own best friend. Treat yourself better than you’ve ever been treated before, and make it a point to never accept less from another. Exercise, eat healthy, become a better person, one day at a time. Start listening to the stirring in your soul, the one that has been silenced for far too long. Think about what you truly want, and go after it. Go ahead- Let yourself feel alone and afraid. Then, give yourself the courage and unwavering support to go after your dreams and live the life that you want. On your own terms.

Justify your own Existence.