My Road, My Life

So, I’m doing it! I’m finally doing it. I’ve talked about it, wrote about it, dreamt about it, obsessed over it, stressed out over it, and got in fights with my significant other over it. And now, it’s happening. I’m quitting my “desk job”, moving out of my apartment, giving away my useless shit, and buying a one way ticket to China! Time to begin my journey in T-minus three weeks.

I made a To Do list last night, and it looked something like this:

1. Quit Job

2. Move out of Apartment

3. Fix netbook

4. Get Visa for China

5. Buy Diarrhea Medication

6. Finish TEFL

7. Buy Hiking Boots

8. Buy Emergency Whistle

9. Plan Goodbye Dinner

10. Slip out Back Door

I should be stressed out and completely overwhelmed, but I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have my breakdown moments, but more than anything I feel relief. I have gone through so much mental chaos to get to where I am right now- It was not easy! I contemplated, struggled, had sleepless nights and felt so torn… And now I feel relieved and so proud of myself that I’m finally taking the plunge and going after my dreams.

This isn’t exactly my first rodeo. This will be my third time leaving it all behind and hitting up another side of the globe all by myself. I’m a serial world traveler if you will. Anywho, I feel ready, as ready as I can be considering my lengthy To Do List.

As much as I feel slightly nervous and unsure when I lay my head down at night alone in my dark room and start contemplating all the uncertainty that’s to come, I would feel far more nervous if this was not on my agenda. The truth is, I have always felt way more afraid of regret than of any real challenge. The scariest thing to me is looking back and wondering why I held myself back from a life of adventure. That, to me, is the ultimate sadness.

For months I have found myself sitting at my desk, behind my computer screen, with a growing sense of restlessness and a deep sense of despair. It didn’t feel natural. It wasn’t making me happy. In fact, quite the opposite. I was feeling more and more dead inside as the days droned on, like the life was slowly being sucked out of me and my soul was being crushed by mind-numbing routine. I kept reminding myself that this is not what I’m made for, that life is so much more than this. Why was I choosing this path and doing this to myself? I have always felt like I am meant for great things, meant to explore this world and write about it, and sitting all day behind a computer screen makes me feel like I am wasting my life away. I did it for a year and a half, learned a lot, had some wonderful experiences and met some amazing people. But it is time for me to move on.

You know that saying “When one door closes, another one opens”? Well, I don’t believe in waiting for the door to close and another one to open. Nope! I slammed that little bugger myself and then propped open an escape window.

I am beginning a solo travel adventure, and plan to write about my experiences as much as possible. I will begin in Beijing, make my way down the Eastern side of China, and then onward to Nepal, where I will explore the Himalayas and do some trekking. From there, I plan to find a teaching job in Indonesia.

Taking a risk and stepping into the unknown… Such a beautiful and exciting thing!